When the Body Speaks: a monodrama journey from panic to inner light

Can the Body Speak When We No Longer Can?

Sometimes people come to therapy not because they are weak or because they do not know what to do. They come because carrying their fear alone has become too heavy.

This client came to me because of recurring panic attacks, severe anxiety, and agoraphobia—the fear of leaving home. She described waking up at night with a racing heart, nausea, numbness in one arm, and a constant fear of losing control. Gradually, fear began to dominate not only her thoughts but also her daily life, limiting her freedom of movement, spontaneity, and self-confidence.

But during this session, we did not ask:

“What is wrong with you?”

Instead, we asked:

“What feels most important to you today?”

And one simple question changed the entire direction of the therapy:

“If your hand could speak, what would it say?”

From that moment on, the session was no longer about fighting symptoms—it became a journey into her inner world.

What Is Monodrama?

Monodrama is a psychodrama method used in individual therapy, based on the ideas of Jacob Levy Moreno.

It is much more than simply talking about a person’s struggles.

Monodrama invites people to meet their inner world—their thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, inner parts, memories, and vision of the future.

During therapy, a person may have conversations not only with other people but also with their fear, their inner critic, a physical symptom, or their Future Self. In this way, what has remained unnamed for a long time becomes visible and heard.

This therapy took place online. Although we were separated by a screen, the therapeutic space remained alive and safe. In psychodrama, physical distance is not what matters most. What matters is connection, spontaneity, and the opportunity to meet oneself authentically.

How Did This Session Unfold?

This time, we did not begin with childhood memories.

Nor did we begin by trying to eliminate the panic symptoms as quickly as possible.

We began with the body.

As I invited the client into a dialogue with her numb arm, we soon noticed that the symptom seemed to develop a voice. It spoke not as an illness, but as an inner part that had been trying to protect its owner for a long time.

Gradually, the dialogue revealed themes of responsibility, control, fear, urgency, and the difficulty of letting go of an old version of herself.

More and more clearly, it became apparent that the symptom was not an enemy.

It was a protective mechanism.

As the monodrama continued, three inner roles emerged—the Teacher, the Protector, and the Controller.

Each had its own purpose.

Each was trying to protect the client.

Although they used different strategies, they all shared the same goal—to help her survive.

Meeting the Future Self

Later, I invited the client to meet another important role—her Future Self.

This inner part was calmer, freer, and filled with greater confidence.

It reminded her that the road to healing would not be easy, but that it was possible.

This meeting became a turning point.

For the first time, the client began speaking not about what she was running away from, but about what she was moving toward.

When the Body Began to Speak Differently

At the end of the session, I invited the client to listen to her body once again.

She shared that she sensed a yellow light in her chest and greater confidence in her shoulders.

This symbol emerged spontaneously from her own inner experience.

We ended with a brief guided meditation so that this experience could become established as an inner resource.

Before saying goodbye, I asked:

“What would this light like you to remember this week?”

She answered:

“Everything passes. After a difficult day, a good day comes.”

At that moment, she was no longer speaking from fear.

She was speaking from hope.

What Did the Client Write After the Session?

After the session, I invited the client to answer several reflection questions. She agreed to share her responses publicly in the hope that they might offer encouragement to others experiencing similar struggles.

What Brought You to Therapy?

“What brought me to therapy was recurring panic attacks, which were followed by an anxiety disorder and eventually agoraphobia.”

Why Did You Agree to Share Your Story?

“I want people to understand from my experience that there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Sometimes it is an essential part of the healing process. I agreed to share my story if it can inspire even one person. This journey is difficult, but we are not alone. There are many of us, and our stories are often very similar.”

What Was Most Important to You During Today’s Session?

“The most important part was the process of ‘stripping everything away.’ My fear took on three faces—the Teacher, the Protector, and the Controller. What surprised me most was that, while speaking from these roles, I said everything I felt I already knew, yet for the first time I heard those words as if they were coming from someone else. Even though it was my own voice, it became much easier to believe.”

“When you speak to yourself in your thoughts, part of you seems to sabotage those words. But when they emerge through psychodrama in another role, it feels as though you are hearing them from another person. That makes them much easier to truly hear and accept.”

“I always leave a session feeling lighter and more confident. Today I understood why it has been so difficult to let go of my old self and why it has been so hard to create a new one.”

What Would You Like to Remember a Week from Now?

“I would like to remember what I told myself today during therapy. It is very important to understand where you are in your healing journey. There will still be difficult moments, but they always pass.”

What Did You Realize About Your Fear?

“During psychodrama, I realized that my fear is actually my protective mechanism. It protects me from trying to take shortcuts. Healing is not a bus ride. It is a journey that has to be walked on foot because only then can you truly see the changing landscape and understand your path. Only by going through every stage, no matter how difficult, can you experience genuine transformation.”

What Did Your Future Self Tell You?

“I realized that by constantly creating future scenarios and being afraid to live in the present, I have been doing myself a great disservice.”

What Would You Say to Someone Who Is Experiencing What You Once Experienced?

“Everything will be okay. Believe in yourself. We are all walking this healing journey together. Sometimes we stumble, but we always get back up. Take the first step. Reach out for help.”

If You Remembered This Session One Year from Now, What Would You Be Most Grateful to Yourself For?

“For not giving up. I believe improvement is waiting for me in the future. The road is still long and difficult, but the hardest battle is not with the world—it is with myself.”

I Invite You to Begin Your Own Inner Journey

If you recognized yourself in this story, please know that you do not have to walk this path alone.

If you are experiencing panic attacks, severe anxiety, fear, inner conflict, or simply feel that the time has come to better understand yourself, I warmly invite you to individual therapy.

In a safe therapeutic space, we will explore together not only the roots of your symptoms but also the inner resources that can help you build a new relationship with yourself.

Registration and More Information:

💫www.rutajanuleviciene.lt

With warmth,

Rūta Janulevičienė

• Certified Practitioner of Psychogenealogy and Transgenerational Therapy (CPTT)
• Psychodrama Director Trainee (under supervision)
• Veriditas Labyrinth Facilitator
• Colour PsychoDynamics® Practitioner
• Reiki Mercar Master Teacher
• Karuna Reiki® Master Teacher